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"Another brick in the wall" - Beziehungs Hygiene mit sich selbst und mit anderen

When my wife and I met - ages ago and thank you for still being by my side - we made a promise to each other: Anything can happen in our relationship - even wonderful things we have no idea about today - but let's never let "bricks" build up between us.

Bricks are small injuries that we inflict on each other, whether unintentionally or intentionally,

because we weren't strong enough at the time. A small remark can trigger a deep emotional

reaction in your partner because of their own experiences. It helps if we are careful with ourselves so that we don't fall into the trap that makes these situations escalate. The comment itself or my partner is not responsible for my feeling of having been hurt. Rather, this remark hits a part of me that is insecure and hurt and very often lies dormant in complete secrecy.

Experiences or actions from the past that we are completely unaware of today may have

contributed to the fact that we have "buttons" that anyone can press without meaning to. It is worth tracking down these buttons because they unconsciously tie up a lot of energy. We have to protect ourselves, ward off, condemn, defend, attack or run away again and again if we don't want to track them down. Above all, we have to keep our buttons secret so as not to get hurt. So how can we build intimate relationships if we have to be constantly on our guard? We need to have the courage and strength to face our own shortcomings and deal with our issues. In all the time we have lived together, we have never intentionally hurt each other when we knew about each other's "sensitivities" on a particular issue, and perhaps this is one of the secrets of our loving relationship. Knowing each other's buttons, we tried to keep each other on track through meaningful conversations. Trusting each other gave us the opportunity to become aware of them.

Ideally, each of us was able to resolve some issues on our own, and if not, we continued to help each other to keep at it in order to mature and grow up in this area too. And we still do that today.

I wrote about "growing up for life" in another blog.

A gentle approach is essential in a relationship It is important to talk lovingly, but without pity, as pity may make the other person feel even more out of sorts. Compassion is the meaningful inner attitude in a conversation with each other that is about releasing old conscious or unconscious conditioning.

We are always whole. No one can take this wholeness away from us, no matter what experiences we have had in life. Sensing this and nurturing this seed of wholeness is a process of becoming until we leave this earth. It is important to discover this unique seed within us through stillness, mindfulness and movement. Each of us is unique, even if everyday life often does not make this apparent. Trust yourself and the person you love to grow. We need to be cared for - for ourselves, but also for others and by others.

This care will support us in developing our unique personality if we feel strong and courageous. With this development, we will also be able to give our compassion to other people, thereby enriching our own lives and those of others.

In the 43 years we have lived together, we have succeeded in doing this together and I would like to live this relationship forever.

Have the courage, you have the strength!

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